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| Just thought I'd take this opportunity to maybe do a little writing. I am sitting here listening to music and chatting with friends. I am going to lay out some goals for myself tonight that I would like to work towards, if not completely reach them.
1. Learn to love myself and forgive myself. I have wounds and I need to let God clean them up for me. He's the healer, not me.
2. Need to increase my activity as far as exploring my vocation. I don't know what I am called to do and I need to at least make some movement to find out. First goal I think is get a spiritual director.
3. Figure out maybe what I want, or better yet, have the guts to go out and try to find out the hard way. I need to go out and live life, make a few mistakes, learn from them move on and really gain some experiences. I am pretty jaded and think I have all the life experience I need. That doesn't seem to be the case.
4. Spend more time in prayer and reading scripture. I am severely lacking in that department and I have this inkling that it will help me with all the others.
Man so much to do. I have felt really drawn to the Pro life movement. Reading about how to discuss abortion is only going to give me more passion for it. I hope i can be someone who leads others to see the light as opposed to beating them about the head with reasons. I need to work on compassion. I am out for the night. More to come.
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| I was staffing a retreat this weekend for high schoolers. I am still
pretty new to the program and don't know many of the teens well at all.
I had been struggling to feel relevant and be able to reach the teens.
About halfway through this weekend doubts really made their way to the
forefront of my thoughts. In my mind I knew this was merely another
attempt to drive any wedge possible between Christ and myself. I was
fighting the urge to be down on myself, fighting the feelings of being
an outsider and of being useless. Evil forces were waging their war on
me and I was struggling to keep my head above water.
While on the way back from the retreat I had the urge to listen to a
specific song, though I didn't know why. After spending a few hours
back in my apartment I put on the song I had thought of after nearly
forgetting about it. I was reading the paper while listening to the
song but I wasn't really hearing it. At the exact moment the chorus
came on I keyed into it and it had an immediate effect on me. Tears
came to my eyes and I instantly and without question felt God's love
for me. I more or less broke down and just thanked God for loving me
despite all my flaws and shortcomings.
I sat there listening to the song again and again and was amazed at the
message of the song. He speaks to us in different ways at times and
without doubt God used this opportunity to reach me through music. He
knew I needed emotional release even if I didn't. He knew what I needed
to hear and He told me.
When people wonder why I am trying to live my faith the way I do I just
wish I could let them feel everything I feel at these times. My heart
is ever changing and it is all due to Christ.
What follows are the lyrics of the song I wanted to hear, the song
Christ comforted me through. I hope you enjoy it and that it moves on
your heart as much as it moved on mine.
Mark Schultz - You are a child of mine
I've been hearing voices
Telling me that I could
Never be what I wanna be
They're binding me with lies
Haunting me at night
And say, there's nothing to believe
Somewhere in the quietness
When I'm overcome with loneliness
I hear You call my name
Like a father, You are near
As I listen, I can hear You say
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine
And so I listen, as You tell me who I am
And who it is I'm gonna be
And I hang on every word
Knowing I have heard
I am Yours and I am free
But when I am alone at night
That is when I hear the lie
You'll never be enough
And though I'm giving into fear
If I listen I can hear You say
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine
I am calling…
I am calling…
I am calling…
You are a child of Mine
Born of My own design
And you bear the heart of life
No matter where you go
Oh, you will always know
You have been made free in Christ
You are a child of Mine | | |
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